A Balmy Day Inside My Heart

A few days of playing hookie, an early bedtime, sneaking seconds on dessert when nobody's looking...sometimes reverting to adolescent behavior is downright rejuvenating. I highly recommend it for anyone feeling stressed as I've been the last few days. I wasn't recognizing my accomplishments and pushing myself too hard, demanding perfection. Not enough rest usually leaves me feeling overwhelmed and ready to just chuck it all. I wasn't about to do that though so I prayed for God to keep me from giving up and left just enough room to let my friends in.
Since then, I've been taken to lunch, a tour of a few beautiful places by the lake, shared a relaxing tea and a chat. Friends are highly under rated and without them, I would not be who I am today.
He provides answers in unexpected ways sometimes. There is always a balm in Gilead, if we just keep our hearts open. I love that picture of Jesus shown knocking with the door handle on the inside. The wonderful thing is, I've discovered that He owns my heart.

Prayer of a Health Nut

Dear Father,
You are in heaven and I'm here in the kitchen
Trying to be good and not so finger lickin
The brownie I had yesterday was sinful
And I confess I enjoyed every bite
Today I got a juicer
That I pledge to use in spite
Of the taste, texture, color and goo
Cuz Coach has said
If I can do it, then so can you.
So bless my daily efforts Lord and
Guide me away from the fries I covet
Because I want to look in the mirror
And say..Wow! I really love it.

Just a little kitchen humor to keep things fun..my family brought the juicer over this evening and I'll be having a kale smoothie for breakfast. Chug! Determined not to whine about this so sarcasm and humor is the next best thing. :D Grin

I See The Son From Where I Walk

Today was a good day of rest. There are times when I feel that God is testing me beyond my limits and then He gives a shady tree and some time to sleep. Today was that kind of day. I walked home from church and enjoyed some freshly baked apple pie with my best friend. She is a great baker and a great listener, so we always enjoy each other's company. God gave me friends that know how to cook. Really well, in fact. Another friend is a chocolatier..how much does God love me!! I cannot look at the family and friends that I've been blessed with and deny how much God truly cares about my happiness. He gives me people that pray with me, for me. Friends that feed me and encourage me to reach for better when I don't even feel like reaching for my bathrobe.
I still hit the valleys briefly when I'm tired, missing my mom or my children but the valleys are not the black hole they once were and I see the sun from where I walk. I am reading a book now about the power of prayer. The power of a praying parent is a comfort to both the one praying and the recipient. I found this out on the phone with my youngest daughter tonight. There are some people in her life that have been bullying her and my first reaction as a parent was not one of prayerful consideration. Still, as our talk progressed, I asked if she wanted me to pray for her. All I'd been learning came flowing out through me as I prayed blessing, forgiveness, peace and strength over her life. Something unexpected happened; God gave me the answers as I prayed for blessing on my enemies. Peace settled in where there was hatred and even though I will be on my knees again asking God for help with my attitudes, the blessing He gave was real and I love Him for how simple His love is to me. Surrender in return for life abundant. I love Him so much and I truly thank Him for the blessing of being able to pray with my children and knowing He will help when I'm unable. I thank Him for all the good He has given me on this day of rest and for the ways He's been teaching my heart to love and trust Him.

Dinner With Friends

I don't know why we as adults (and I use the term loosely) forget how to have fun as we grow older and more "responsible". Tonight, I had dinner with a few friends from church and it surprised me to discover how long it had been since I laughed til my sides hurt at the dinner table. Dancing at the sink and humming along to whatever is playing on the radio while plotting to see who is within swatting range of my handy dandy dish towel is a great way to pass time. Obviously, it doesn't take a whole lot to amuse me. It's just that somehow I forget how truly good entertainment is usually free, especially if you consider it's usually a practical joke at someone else's expense. Tonight, I remembered how to be silly. I used to think nothing of whistling for my car in the mall parking lot when I couldn't remember where I'd parked. Of course, cars are not horses and if they were, I'd have had to shoot Betsy about four tires ago. The car never pulled up to meet me at the door but I did get a few dirty looks from shoppers who thought I was calling them instead so that was quite a nice cheer me up. Then there were the times I had to grocery shop on my lunch hour during the work week. To get past the hustle and rushed feelings that would fluster me, I'd take a running start out the door and ride the cart half way to my car with a huge grin.  My happiness was mostly from the pleasure of shocking all the proper old ladies in their control top pantyhose and sensible shoes. Not to mention actually riding the mechanical pony while waiting for my girlfriends to check out at the express lane on our wild evenings out at Ruby Tuesdays. Such scandal!
So, tonight I had an epiphany. There weren't any angels dancing with me in the kitchen tonight and believe me, I'd have noticed the help. No rainbows or halos. Just the hilarious company of my fellow earthlings as we filled the night with our laughter and our memory with a few good snapshots. Speaking of snapshots, if you decide to play the dish towel game, it's all in the wrist and never aim for anyone you don't think you can outrun.  Just sayin.

Frost

A chill of leaves
Tree banished and shuddering to their resting place
Dancing squirrels frolic on the new carpet of seasons past
Spring has become the aging shadows that fall across my lawn
Harvest is almost here.
Seasonal delight
Transient waves of sun and glittering diamond  shores
Beckon to my faded recollection
Heated steps hasten towards the lover's curtain
Shade surrounds as cool as the sweet calm of a darling caress
Balm to the cheeks and lips and eyes
Rest for the travel worn
Nights grow cooler
Longer
Gazes linger in the sun
Hibernating hearts find satisfaction in the rest.

Survival Plan

So here I am, relaxing on the beach in a hammock, twirling the fuschia paper umbrella from my fruit juice and humming tunelessly to nobody in particular. There's a palm tree swaying gently to the tropical melody breezing past and a cute little monkey in a tutu shinnying back down a coconut tree with my breakfast. I hope he brings me a hammer. No hammer. Yes, this must be a dream.
Wintertime is setting in, the time change looms ominously like a storm cloud promising days of indoor occupation. I am already missing my evening walk in the sunset after a relaxing dinner. The days of carefree bicycle jaunts around the city are just about to end. All of this really bothers me, being such an outdoors girl. So, I'm making a battle plan to enjoy the winter until Spring comes with her yearly reprieve.
1. Sing a little every day. Sing loudly and badly if necessary, just sing. Showers are known for their wonderful acoustics.
2. Find fun in the sun..skiing, tobogganing, donating snow angels free of charge.
3. Get a pair of ice skates and really go all out. First on one the ice, last one off. Wear my silly hat just because it's fun.
4. Curl up with a Jane  Austen chick flick or a good book. Snack Laura Ingalls style..juicy apple and fresh, buttered popcorn. Mmm. Less calories than a bucket of Breyers.
5. Volunteer at the corner mission where they just happen to have a piano in my size. I love my music!!
6. Write for a few minutes each day in my book project.
7. Find a place to work with handicapped or sick children. It'll make me happy to help others who are also coping with less sunshine in their lives.
8. Make someone else laugh, even if they don't want to. Especially if they don't want to.
9. Enjoy the storms from the comfort of my living room windows. Snow is so pretty when someone else is shovelling it.
10. Plant amaryllis bulbs and make peanut butter pine cone bird feeders to brighten up the scenery.
I'll keep working towards that vacation on the beach, but until then..I have a plan!
Thank goodness for OHIP. I haven't skied or skated in years.

Is Your Face in the Book?

This afternoon I met a girlfriend for coffee.  A coffee that turned into a four hour visit. We were going for a three hour tour but got lost. Our topics covered praise and worship, the baptism of the Holy Ghost. It ranged from family issues to work and health. We joked about dressing up as an angel complete with wings and a book, asking people if their face was in the book. Sort of an odd approach to thought provoking evangelism I suppose. The words just seemed to flow and I think we may have used up some of tomorrow's 300,000 word allotment. What I took away from it was the joy of having a friend to be a sounding board. It was such a recharge to feel validated, respected and heard without visiting a professional counselor. I believe that God puts people in our lives at certain times to fulfill a designated purpose. I believe in therapy and medicine. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and healing. Last year at this time, I was celebrating my 39th birthday in a hospital. Today, by the grace of God, I am in school and slowly returning to life. Just sitting there across from my dear friend and realizing my successes and appreciating the struggles was a very powerful moment for me. Today, I learned in our weekly seminar in the Stay Motivated Club (Matt Maddix Motivations) that it is important to live life on purpose and with a direction. A year has gone by and although I might not be where I'd like to with energy and concentration, I am going to take a moment to appreciate how wondrously God has made us and that He is my ever present Comforter as I continue on my journey.
My thanks to all my family, friends and supports who have made an overwhelming difference in my life simply by knowing that they are there. Present in prayer and thought even while I'm thinking that I'm alone in my battles. Thank you God for this good day and let this touch the heart of someone who may feel alone.

Just do it, day one

I just finished day one of my new healthy lifestyle and yes, I did have ice cream.  Just a tiny bit, it would've been rude to refuse the carbs...I mean hospitality. My friends sure do know me well..or for sure my weak spots. All in all, though, I feel good about the day. I drank almost an entire gallon of water, walked twenty minutes to school. Then home again. Then off to the clinic, a fifteen minute bike ride..where I did not have an appointment until the next day. I did a wonderful job of not getting annoyed with myself or anyone else, hopped back on my bike and came home. Add to that the forty five minute walk to my grief counseling group and I thought tomorrow would be just as good a day to bike to the gym and work out. There's a fine line between exhaustion and a workout high. When the line starts to blur and look suspiciously like my pillow, I take a nap. Thankfully, that line has not appeared on my classroom....much..but then there's always tomorrow. We'll be practicing patient transfers and repositioning in bed and I haven't really given class my full participation effort yet this week. Maybe I'll start by bringing my own pillow..
Time for sleep and sweet dreams. And a great big thank you to my friend with the ice cream...you rocky road, you.

I double chocolate dare you

If you're having a blue day, like I was today...crying is good. Don't cry all day but about five to seven minutes is cathartic, right before you reach "toxic eating level seven aka mocha fudge ripple". Tonight, I talked to my daughter, a college freshman, fresh chick...um LADY...where was I? O yes..I got off the phone with her after she was telling me how to cope with my day and I knew I needed to get a grip. I'm the mom, I'm the super hero in pantyhose and hairspray. I need to find a new coping mechanism..maybe too much hairspray in the eighties.
The next thing I did was try out an Anne Murray DVD I'd borrowed. Struck gold on the second track of What a Wonderful World. I apologize to the ppl in apartment 1 (sort of ..not really..since it will most certainly happen again). Elijah probably heard his name tonight and maybe he leaned over the Bannister of time to see what insanity this girl has been up to now. Singing makes everything better, so does smackin around a few octaves of ivory keys..yes, there's a warning in there apartment one..so sorry. Smirk
I was better but not bodacious by the time I signed onto the introductory conference call for Matt the man Maddix's Health and Weightloss Club. I've heard him speak before so I knew what to expect but I found myself grinning from ear to ear as he introduced his topic for the evening. His energy is palpable and contagious and always has that effect. His speakers were guests with real life stories, transparent and heart warming in their honesty and candor. It was like nothing I have ever heard before and I was hooked. Having grown up with three brothers, the one thing you do NOT want to do is double dog dare me because I will and on stilts with a pig and a tutu. Ok..maybe not the tutu, quit leanin ma... Man she still busts me from another dimension..Love you mama. Miss you so much.
So, I believe the adult word is challenge, no dogs, no pigs, no stilts and no Tu Tu...no Ma'am. So, this coming week, I'll be drinking a gallon of water per day...and that's saying a lot. If you've been to my place, you would know it's like drinking out of the kiddie pool, lotsa chlorine, minus the possibility of visible surprises.
So, one gallon per day. One twenty minute walk every day that ends in y..sounds like a country music song..and lastly, skip breakfast one day. I interpret that as indulging in ten extra minutes with mi amore Mr. Pillow, but my coach may not agree ;-) Nobody tell and I should be fine. Insert huge mocha chip grin here.
I know I need to get off my tail and be active because my depression is knocking quite loudly. I'm not signing for it today. Tomorrow, I'll be at the gym after school, not signing for it and the day after that, I'll be shopping for a knockout holiday dress. I'll be signing for that one, gladly. I'll post pix of my happy, non depressed self at Christmas in my new dress. And that is how I put my money where my mouth is.  Any takers???

Fountain of Truth

Birthdays happen. The years come and go, each bringing their own set of circumstances. I used to feel comfortable in three or four layers of clothing during a crisp fall day. Now I run about town in my shirt sleeves like a Norwegian sauna regular. It's nothing to do with hormones, it's my incredible circulation and vibrant good health. I know this because I thought maybe I was having a few hot flashes so I went to the clinic. I was told it was a fever, ergo I was sick as a dog but still vibrant and youthful. O sure, I read between the lines of the prescription for antibiotics but at my age (smirk), I'll take anything.
I've recently signed up for a professional kick in the pants aka motivational training program and I'm forcing myself to look on the positive side of every situation. Since I'm such an avid list maker, here is one in honor of this magical new phase of my golden years. Smirk smirk
Top Ten Benefits to Being Forty

1. Winter clothes shopping is less expensive, leaving money for that new pair of skis. Jacket, hat and leggings optional.
2. Steam drying from sheer body heat after donating snow angels to all the deserving churches in the neighborhood. Are you ready for this yet, Sue??!! I can't wait!
3. Being too old to have to give a rational explanation for whacked out behavior (see above).
4. Being too young to be considered senile...yet.
5. Making wait staff uncomfortable, asking if they intend to check for ID.
6. Attending the wrong PTA meeting, causing a stink over the sugar free cupcakes and then leaving in a huff. Who's going  to know...they're all just barely hanging onto their own teenage raising sanity..or the lack thereof.
7. Being shopping buddies with your darling daughters...and being mistaken for their sister. Sa weet.
8. Not having to finish the top ten list because a really good movie just started.