As part of my "keeping fit and active" therapy, I sat on a bus for 45 minutes. After this, I arrived at the local gym where I have a membership and I made myself get off of the bus. For a minute or two, I didn't think I was gonna make it but somehow I peeled myself off the seat and put one foot in front of the other and before I knew it, I was on the sidewalk being blasted by a frigid breath of air. Huge motivation to get my self indoors. Once in the changing room, I discovered that my bottle of leave-in conditioner had exploded all over the bottom of my gym bag. Nice touch. Anyone else might have called it a day and went to Timmies for a large double double and a "Fancy" chocolate eclair with chocolate icing, and enough whip cream to choke the arteries of a horse...with a cherry on top. I know...sounds tempting. But they have stopped making that so I have found another bakery on the corner where they do, minus the cherry but I'm ok with that. So, there I am in the locker room surrounded by ladies dutifully donning their swimming suits to burn the calories they are about to eat this weekend. I know this because they are planning their onslaught on the buffets quite loudly with no shame at all. I think longingly of my eclair and sigh...Slowly, I begin emptying my bag to see the damage my leave-in has "left in" my gym bag. My lock is covered in the creamy goo and there's a bit on my towel and change of clothes but not much else. So I clean it all up and change for my swim. The hot water hits my aching body as I shower and I think how nice it would be to hide in here while everyone else was aerobicizing themselves breathless. mmmmmm...hot steamy shower....aaaaaaaah. Guilt kicks in and I step out of the locker room and arrange my towel on a bar. "How bad can it be?" I ask myself. The instructor said it was a low level course and judging by the age of the participants, I figured she was right. Walking confidently into the pool, I introduced myself to my elders and made polite conversation while we waited for the instructors to begin. After fifteen minutes of "warming up" I thought we were done and I smiled, very proud of myself and turned, preparing to exit the pool. Then the teacher hollered, "Alright!!! That was a terrific warm up, now let's get started!!! WAHOO!"
Really?? So I'll be telling my grandchildren how they had to fish my sorry fins out of the bottom of the pool because someone had misnamed this class "Moderate Aquatics"? I began to follow the motions of the instructor, looking around me as I did so, noting the complete lack of strain and worry on all of my elders' faces. They were just there having a relaxing little workout as they have been for the last twenty years or so. No big deal. I struggled to keep up with the pace, arms flailing and feet akimbo. Sometimes a foot would come unexpectly flying out of the water as I lost my balance and my backside would begin to sink like a ten ton anchor. I began drifting unknowingly towards the deep end and the next time I tried to march, I found I was marching on two feet of water. That can be a little unsettling. With a little coughing and spluttering, I wove my shameful self between the tougher survivors towards the shallow end. The very end of the shallow end. I found myself sticking rather oddly out of the water like an overgrown pond lily so I bent my knees in an attempt to fade into my surroundings. This made the exercises much more challenging, like trying to play underwater basketball on your knees...without a snorkel. Still, I kept drifting front, back and sideways while I butterflied, backstroked and bobbled around, never in the same place for more than five seconds. I was conscious of the knee and hip replacements that I was surrounded by (knowledge I'd gleaned from my earlier conversation) so I tried very hard not to connect any part of my extremities with theirs. I don't suppose they would kick me out of the pool if I accidentally sent dentures flying during a high kick but then I think I'd rather kick myself out and do penance in the sauna after such a thing. Another twenty minutes and I was seriously thirsty. The instructors reminded each other to get a drink and there we were, parched, surrounded by chlorinated water, watching them re-hydrate. Oh, the irony. I seriously considered dunking my head under but only for a mili-second before common sense kicked in. Finally, we were doing our cooling down exercises and I began to rush to the pool side while appearing non-chalant. This is possible in water because my face was very calm but my feet were running like there was a shark following. It's rather hard to hurry underwater and look dignified while doing so, but it is possible. This was not the end of my troubles. Back in the changing room, we all set about the business of getting ready for the outdoors again and I discovered I had forgotten my hair dryer... oops. I struggled to open my locker with my wet key in hand while trying to keep my towel on with my elbows. As my key hit the ground with a metallic "pa-link", I apologized to the ladies while scooping down to recover it. "It was either the towel or the key...I chose the towel and you're welcome." A few chuckles and guffaws welcomed me into their society and I began to relax and smile at my own misadventures. I was glad that I had come out of the house today and even though I was tired, and my hair sopping wet, it had been a good afternoon. Worth noting when one is battling with a mental frame of mind that would rather be in bed more often than not. As for the results of my workout...well I would honestly be hot footing it down the street right now for that eclair but God knows me very well. There's a raging blizzard outside. I guess my thighs and backside are safe...for now.
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