Monday's post left my mind in a whirl as I felt so helpless, so inconsequential to make any difference in Pastor Nadarkhani's case. "Come on, Ghandi," I chided myself for keeping a news vigil and I finally went to bed after midnight, fell asleep praying. I don't know why my brother in Christ is having to face this trial . There are moments in life that change you forever, when you make decisions you didn't think you could and a different inner strength comes out of you that you didn't know you had. Right now, it is that strength and courage that only God can give that is the ever present comfort to our brother as he awaits deliverance. Nations are brought together in prayer for one cause, asking God to spare his life and comfort him while he endures this trial alone but for the presence of God in his daily life.
I remember the 9/11 tragedies and watching the footage in shock and horror, thinking of the people in the towers and how they must be feeling.The shock of seeing the buildings fall, knowing that there were mothers, father, sons, daughters falling to their deaths was sickening and just incomprehensible to my human mind. I remember my mother calling me that day. She was worried as all good mothers are and pleaded with me to keep her grandchildren home from school. The whole nation was in a state of alarm and we didn't know when to expect another attack or if that was it. I normally share her protective nature and watch my three children like a hawk, especially when they were toddlers. That day, I surprised myself by answering her differently. I said, "Mom, I refuse to live in fear. We all have an appointed time to leave this earth and nobody can change that. If anyone has a problem with that, they'll have to take it up with the complaint department which is, God." I tried to end my harsh statement with a little humor to soften the edges but that was exactly how I felt. I shopped for groceries that week, took the kids to the park and made dinner for us. We did homework reading on the front porch as usual and I strove to keep a calm, peaceful atmosphere in my home. Their young minds were not ready to fully digest what had just happened and while I didn't shelter them completely, I put it on a level that they could understand and we certainly didn't have CNN running 24/7 in the house. I made it a priority to keep going about the business of living. A bigger part of our "living" became more serious and somber during family devotions as we remembered the fallen heroes of our country. Sometimes it takes a calamity to bring a people together. Americans prayed together. You could feel the bond of brotherhood grow stronger that day because we were all reminded that our lives are in God's hands.
In my personal life, I have dealt with loss. I had a brother that drowned accidentally when I was just shy of my sixteenth birthday. That left our household in disarray for quite some time and I still cannot visit his grave without the memories of that fateful day flooding back and I have to choke back tears. Later, when my oldest daughter was eight years old, she came home from school one day with arthritis in her body. We took her to the hospital, not knowing what was wrong with her at the time. They had to send her to a children's hospital because they didn't even know how to treat what she had. I spent the next several months by her side until it came to a point where her kidneys were failing, the virus that had attacked her colon was now attacking her immune system and kidneys. The doctors were on their last treatment and she was not responding. She had been waking up cold and blue and I even let the kids open one or two Christmas gifts early that year, thinking to myself that she might not make it until then. I remember making chocolate chip cookies and holding her scrawny form in my arms as we danced in the kitchen. I fought hard to keep the tears from coming but she noticed with the intuition of a first born and began to tear up as well. I turned the oven off and carried her upstairs to my room. I cradled her little body and just let her cry. . When her crying subsided a little, I asked her what she was most afraid of. She said that she was afraid the medicine couldn't help her and she was going to die. I held her while she cried some more and I was glad my brave, tough daughter had confided her fears to me and I was proud of the strength she found to talk about it. I asked her what else she was afraid of because I knew there was more. She didn't want to answer. Finally, she said that she didn't want to leave me here alone. I told her that it was different because I was an adult and I could take care of myself. I knew she was in severe pain from time to time and she was just so tired of being ill, tired of fighting. I looked into her gray/blue eyes, lashes wet with tears and brimming with more. My heart broke as I told her, "It's ok if you're too tired to fight anymore. You don't have to suffer and keep yourself here because you think I need you to be here. You have my permission to go and be at peace and rest, not feel any more pain. On the other hand, we are not done fighting and we still have one option we haven't tried. That was not an easy moment for a young mother or her daughter. Since then, God has used that last option,a herbalist with a new remedy he had just discovered and we became best friends, totally inseparable. After several drawn out custody battles over a period of about eight years, my body and mind weakened and I had a complete breakdown. I knew I was going to lose this last battle so I unhired my attorney and just sat back wondering what God was going to do. After I lost the children, I lost my job and the apartment I was going to rent. It seemed there was no other alternative but for me to return home to my parents. I always promised my children I wouldn't abandon them but it seemed I was being given no choice. So I find myself faced with another situation that I cannot manage, control or manipulate. God has brought me through a second nervous breakdown that I had in the fall and I am getting the care I need as well as the rest my mind and body so desperately craved. I am trying to be strong in my faith and I work to keep up my relationship with my children. I don't understand why or how God has allowed this all to happen. The strong woman I used to be is no more. On the outside, at least. On the inside, my belief in God is stronger still while I wait patiently to see what each day will bring.
The plight of others' suffering has always touched me and my personal experiences have made me able to empathize in a way I never could otherwise. Today, the thought that an innocent man is in fear for his life because someone else disagrees with what Pastor Yousef is saying and believing is unreal. He has lost so much in the time he's been illegally imprisoned and kept from his family and church. His children have had to fall asleep wondering if their father will be alive the next day. His wife wonders how she will support her young family and bear the tremendous burden of caring for them alone if he is wrongly executed. There is so much heartache that is caused by fear, ignorance and hatred. I have placed my needs before God and surrendered myself to His will in my life, come what may. I am willing to die for my convictions and I will continue to speak out until I am heard. The life of a Jew, Muslim or Christian was created by God and bought by His sacrifice. It is up to individuals to believe and accept what God has done for us. God is the only one with the ownership of His creation and He is the only One that has the right to say who gets to live and who does not. It is my hope that we can work towards forgiveness, understanding and tolerance. Not only in our personal lives towards each other but as the leaders of nations form policies that will either free or place their people in bondage. My plea is for life. Life with freedom of choice. Life in peace.
In conclusion, at a time when nations are coming together as never before in a true brotherhood for democracy and nation building, it is my hope that the freedom of religion will not be forgotten as one of the cornerstones of a nation. Or the sacrifices that have been made in realizing those dreams of freedom. I read something today that I wanted to share on this post because it was published on the 18th of this month so it is very current to my topic. I found the article encouraging, particularly the paragraphs I've included below. I'm looking forward to the results of their united efforts to free the world from terror, beginning with the immediate release of Pastor Nadarkhani, as listed in my previous post. He is being held illegally and slated for execution because of his Christian beliefs.
Here is the link for the complete article.
http://www.nation.com.pk/pakistan-news-newspaper-daily-english-online/national/18-Feb-2012/pakistan-won-t-help-us-attack-iran-says-zardari
Pakistan won’t help US attack Iran, says Zardari
the article, in part reads as follows:
“We cannot deny may be there are people among our population who are involved in this, but this is a world problem,” Zardari said, adding, “The three presidents you see sitting together, we shall fight this menace. Nobody is more concerned or more involved in it than me personally,” he said.
President Zardari thanked the visiting presidents for coming to Pakistan to attend the trilateral summit. He invited the Iranian president to make a bilateral visit to Pakistan at the earliest.
The Iranian president said Thursday’s summit in Islamabad and the next to be held in Kabul are going to have very positive impacts for people of the three countries. He said Iranian people greatly value their brotherly relations with Pakistan and hoped these will further augment in future.
Earlier the three presidents held wide-ranging talks on cooperation in diverse fields focusing on cooperation in counter terrorism and transnational organised crimes including drug and human trafficking, border management and trade.
In a joint statement issued at the end of the summit, the three countries pledged to develop framework of comprehensive cooperation and to take pragmatic steps for realising mutually beneficial cooperation to promote stability, peace and shared prosperity.
The joint statement, signed by President Zardari and his Iranian and Afghan counterparts at the conclusion of the summit, resolved to ensure respect for their countries sovereignty, independence, unity and territorial integrity, as enshrined in the UN Charter.
They agreed to commence a process of trilateral consultations for an agreement pledging not to allow any threat emanating from their respective territories against each other. They resolved to strengthen cooperation for eradicating extremism, terrorism and militancy and to address the root causes of these menaces, condemning the killings of civilians as well as any kind of assassinations.
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