Pull Over Before Reading

Hands up all of us honest enough to admit we've gotten lost on the road.  Okay now how about at a friend's house, looking for the bathroom?  The cereal aisle at the local grocery store?  I was born with the "getting lost" gene and I think I have several people's share of it as well.  Please write and I'll see how we can arrange a swap for a math gene or something left brained that I'm sure I don't have.  I keep telling the kids, usually right before we're about to get lost, while we're getting lost and after we're pretty sure we're not lost anymore, that I'm going to get a G.P.S.  One handicap is that I'm still a little too independant to admit I need help in that department.  Even though I pay more at the pump than the rest of the population due to unplanned detours, daydreams of what's-his-name and Highway 401 whoopsie-daisies, I'm reluctant to just give it all up.  The amazing power of being able to flip open my laptop and Google the address, only to be taken to within a stone's throw of where I really want to be is such a thrill.  Or the joy of buying a map at the local gas station while befriending the cashier to see if she might be of some assistance.  I can now speak a smattering of no less than 15 foreign languages including hand signals and I've never set foot off the continent.   Adding to all of that fun, I'm not sure I can handle one more voice in my car.  Maybe they have an "are we there yet?" feature programmed in just to annoy.  How do I know?  Besides, I've already named my car Betsy, what do I call the gp?  What if I yell at the wrong piece of technology on the accelerator lane and will they know?It's almost as if machines have a personality of their own.  Will my suspension suddenly drop huffily onto the highway while the navigator snidely directs me to the nearest anger management clinic?Maybe I can hack the system and subsitute the local dairy bar.   Add to all that my lack of consumer savvy and I'll probably end up buying some amazingly low-priced model built by one of our non-friendly competitor countries.  They'll have grown bored of attacking from the air and upload alternate directions, just for fun.  "Just keep going over the bridge and hey...that might just be your exit.  Nope, just kidding.  Now take a quick u-turn and try not to hit anyone...else.  For further directions, please insert 2300 dinar in exact change."  So, for now, I'm content to take life as it comes with all its quirks, foibles and near misses.  I'll keep leaving riduculously early to watch other non-gp's come straggling into the dentist's office looking like the first day of kindergarten and clutching their own scoop of mocha madness.