Today was a great day. I gave myself gold stars all the way down my activity chart and ate an unseemly amount of Double Chocolate ice cream in a mixing bowl. Aaaaaah. Life is good. Tomorrow is Monday and I'll be drinking green tea like it's about to be dumped in the harbor and doing Pilates as though my life depended on it. That's tomorrow. Today is a day of rest and I'm resting. They say good health is a balance of rest, exercise, healthy food, recreation, work. What they didn't say was what day that was supposed to be on.
Today, the sun was shining, there was a beautiful breeze and I had a nice long chat with my oldest child. We decided together what she was going to wear for her high school play's red carpet ceremony. Then we talked about the Sadie Hawkins dance she had to chaperone as part of the spirit club. We reminisced about Henry and who's apple was hauled up the tree in the front yard I discovered that we had not only bridged the gap of the distance between us and become stronger for it but that we were equals now; both adults. Well, most of the time. Just don't get us going on Starbucks or chocolate or the giggle-fest is ON! It has been almost a year since I have seen my youngest daughter and my son. I hope to see them this spring and enjoy their company once again. It has been almost a year since I've moved and I can't believe how much has changed in that short time. I have struggled horribly with missing them but I'm at a point in my recovery that I can say I am happy. No one is completely happy all the time but I have learned to appreciate the wisdom of the counsel that was offered me last year by an old friend. By being strong and continuing on, my children see an example they can be proud of and they can know for themselves that life does go on, even when the most horrible things happen. It seems like the world should stop turning when our loved ones are taken from us, especially if it is unexpectedly. The pain seems too much to bear and we just can't conceive of ever being happy or smiling again. The first year after a death or loss in the family is the worst, as it was when we lost my brother, David. The roller coaster of emotions gradually becomes less mountainous and more like curving hills on our mind-scape. It is difficult to imagine that years from now, we will not feel the pain so intensely and that we will find ways not only to survive, but to help others who have suffered the same loss to cope as well. It is in the darkest of valleys when we discover we are not alone and our God is with us. We can only pass on that hope through the vantage point of experience. If only for that reason alone, I am glad that I have been comforted with the same Word that has brought me through many trials before this. It is that same faith that will be fanned back into full flame whenever a fellow pilgrim trips and falls along the way.
Today reminded me of just how blessed I am. I have a God who is always caring for me, whether I know it or not. He is the Guardian on watch when my children are asleep, driving themselves to the mall or making choices at school. When my children were little, I used to elevate myself as all mothers usually do by making everything magically better with a kiss. In retrospect, I think a word of prayer and an introduction to Our Loving Father would have served a better purpose. This past year has taught me to trust Him more and to appreciate the blessings a quiet Sunday brings. Food, clothing, shelter. A warm bed to sleep in at night. Each night when I fall asleep, I thank God for all of those things because there was a time when I didn't have some of those things and I am doubly grateful for them now in a way I never could have been if I hadn't experienced the losses. Today, I was reminded to call my mother and chat with her. This week, I will make sure I visit my parents and laze around the table talking. It's amazing what a day of rest will do for the mind, body and soul.
While I acknowledge that things are not perfect now and my life is lacking in the presence of my children, I have been tested and taught important lessons that I will cherish always. Be kind to those you love. Don't go to bed angry, even if it takes several trips back to their bunk bed to make things right. For all the chances you have to smile and make someone's day better, there is someone who needs that smile and needs their day made brighter. Tomorrow I should find out if I've been accepted in my Peer Tutoring class. I'm excited about the path my future may take and I'm grateful for all I've been given. If this is not the way I need to go, I am willing to be led down another path. Sometimes, the difficulty is in knowing without a doubt, that our choices are correct and wise, not just guesses. That must be why it's called Amazing Grace.
Today, the sun was shining, there was a beautiful breeze and I had a nice long chat with my oldest child. We decided together what she was going to wear for her high school play's red carpet ceremony. Then we talked about the Sadie Hawkins dance she had to chaperone as part of the spirit club. We reminisced about Henry and who's apple was hauled up the tree in the front yard I discovered that we had not only bridged the gap of the distance between us and become stronger for it but that we were equals now; both adults. Well, most of the time. Just don't get us going on Starbucks or chocolate or the giggle-fest is ON! It has been almost a year since I have seen my youngest daughter and my son. I hope to see them this spring and enjoy their company once again. It has been almost a year since I've moved and I can't believe how much has changed in that short time. I have struggled horribly with missing them but I'm at a point in my recovery that I can say I am happy. No one is completely happy all the time but I have learned to appreciate the wisdom of the counsel that was offered me last year by an old friend. By being strong and continuing on, my children see an example they can be proud of and they can know for themselves that life does go on, even when the most horrible things happen. It seems like the world should stop turning when our loved ones are taken from us, especially if it is unexpectedly. The pain seems too much to bear and we just can't conceive of ever being happy or smiling again. The first year after a death or loss in the family is the worst, as it was when we lost my brother, David. The roller coaster of emotions gradually becomes less mountainous and more like curving hills on our mind-scape. It is difficult to imagine that years from now, we will not feel the pain so intensely and that we will find ways not only to survive, but to help others who have suffered the same loss to cope as well. It is in the darkest of valleys when we discover we are not alone and our God is with us. We can only pass on that hope through the vantage point of experience. If only for that reason alone, I am glad that I have been comforted with the same Word that has brought me through many trials before this. It is that same faith that will be fanned back into full flame whenever a fellow pilgrim trips and falls along the way.
Today reminded me of just how blessed I am. I have a God who is always caring for me, whether I know it or not. He is the Guardian on watch when my children are asleep, driving themselves to the mall or making choices at school. When my children were little, I used to elevate myself as all mothers usually do by making everything magically better with a kiss. In retrospect, I think a word of prayer and an introduction to Our Loving Father would have served a better purpose. This past year has taught me to trust Him more and to appreciate the blessings a quiet Sunday brings. Food, clothing, shelter. A warm bed to sleep in at night. Each night when I fall asleep, I thank God for all of those things because there was a time when I didn't have some of those things and I am doubly grateful for them now in a way I never could have been if I hadn't experienced the losses. Today, I was reminded to call my mother and chat with her. This week, I will make sure I visit my parents and laze around the table talking. It's amazing what a day of rest will do for the mind, body and soul.
While I acknowledge that things are not perfect now and my life is lacking in the presence of my children, I have been tested and taught important lessons that I will cherish always. Be kind to those you love. Don't go to bed angry, even if it takes several trips back to their bunk bed to make things right. For all the chances you have to smile and make someone's day better, there is someone who needs that smile and needs their day made brighter. Tomorrow I should find out if I've been accepted in my Peer Tutoring class. I'm excited about the path my future may take and I'm grateful for all I've been given. If this is not the way I need to go, I am willing to be led down another path. Sometimes, the difficulty is in knowing without a doubt, that our choices are correct and wise, not just guesses. That must be why it's called Amazing Grace.
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