Whirlwind

Today was such a busy day, at least the first half.  The second half of the day was spent calming my energies that had kept me going in the morning.  I enjoyed getting to my appointment early and having a green tea on the patio while chatting with another lady.  I pulled out my morning puzzle book after she left and switched sides of the table to get more sun.  I didn't find much to have fun with except for a guy who sat a few chairs down eating poptarts right out of the box, still in the grocery bag.  Naturally, I said, "Poptarts, huh?  Way to go, show no shame!"  I cheered him on.   He returned with the old stand-by "breakfast of champions" and we left it at that.  Pretty soon it was time for me to go inside for my interview so I left him sitting there with his fruity colored tarts and plastic bag. The interview went very well and I didn't realize almost an hour had flown past when we had finished talking.  We shook hands, leaving the room and whom should we find lounging on the couch in the lobby but Mr. Poptart himself.  I hope he wasn't some super casual upper management guy or something.  It could mean I would be seeing less rather than more of him as a future student.  But, really! Poptarts?  The entire box?  Wow. Then I remembered my three donuts and burnt decaf earlier that morning and realized that they weren't exactly going to recommend me for sainthood either.  Ah well. At the end of my journey, I got so tired that I took the wrong busessss, plural, before I got home an hour later.  I made a big, healthy lunch and some hot fennel tea, hoping to unwind in front of CNN's boring repetitive chatter.  When that didn't work, I switched to the couch and brought out a favorite flannel blanket.  No dice.  So back upstairs to the nest where I put my favorite soft music on, arranged my pillows, just so and....nothing.  I wanted to sleep so badly that I found I could not unwind.  My room mate couldn't pull me out of it and I began to cry from frustration and from the cumulation of all the events that had led to this moment.  I picked up my phone to call the local crisis centre...busy.  I called the hospital crisis center, busy.  I called another hotline which was out of town but was not busy.  After awhile, they referred me to the local line and I called there.  It felt so completely childish to explain your symptoms over and over to people who are complete strangers, most of the time.  I spoke with a young man who was pretty knowledgeable and helpful and got off the phone feeling somewhat pacified.  I was angry that my illness has such control over me at times.  When I'm overtired and away from home, I begin to almost panic because I get confused and I just want to get home but I'm not sure if I'm doing it the best way or I'll make dumb decisions that I normally would not.  So, there you have it.  The unvarnished version of the day.  There were highs, lows, in betweens and down right silly moments that made me giggle.  Speaking of giggle, this was from the weekend.....
 O by the way, I think my left hip is out again because I slid down the railing at a certain station when no one was there and I had just missed my train; it literally closed with my fingers on the door.  I was pretty mad and there was nothing I could do about it so I thought it might be fun to behave like an idiot.  I took my music outside and sang along.  Gave the empty tracks my best "fingers in mouth" whistle as if that could hail a train along any quicker.  Making hats from newspapers is much easier when you actually have the Curious George book in front of you and anyway, my head has grown and they don't fit.  Transportation can be a challenge to anyone on the best of days.   Like this morning when I saw the bus that didn't  stop longer than a milli second at the corner before it sped off and pretended not to see the old lady with the bright purple coat and white hair waving her cane wildly in the air.  The cussword she used to describe the driver when she returned to the shelter was not quite what I was expecting but then, that's modern transportation for you.  It brings out the best in some when they make way for others to sit while they stand.  Then there are the days when you want to throw your lot in with the cane lady and forget, just for a moment, that we are grown ups. Aren't we?  So this post is a little bit of everything all mixed up and added together to make a somewhat accurate report of the day and other moments of import.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.