Coffee for my Sugar and a Whole Lotta Love

Today was the kind of day that takes my breath away. Today I asked my daughter which vehicle took curves better - the van or the sports car? She answered "the little car" to which I exclaimed, "Aha, I knew you've been speeding!! You would have to be going a certain speed to know the answer to that question. Never mind how I know that." We both laughed because she is the most conservative, safety-minded driver I could imagine since she grew out of her training wheels. Today, she also voted in the elections. She got on line and checked out who was the best choice and went to the polls. I keep seeing pictures of her in her "pony-tail only" stage as she frowned her way through her homework in first grade. Caring for her first pets and making friends that she will be graduating with this spring. I've grown used to the fact that she is an adult; independent and very capable of accomplishing her goals. I am very proud of how well she has done for herself and I couldn't think of anything more she could have done to do a better job of being a dedicated student, caring sibling and loving daughter. The hours spent reading together, walking and talking our way around the block and window shopping began before she could walk on her own. We've continued those traditions as equals now and I'm so glad that I am a part of her life. I used to talk to her constantly before she was born and read to her, as with all of my children. Sometimes, I'd get bored and make up a completely different story to amuse myself and finish the tale doubled up with laughter at my own silliness. When she was a baby, I would talk to her throughout the day, assuming she knew what I meant and that her occasional expression meant she was listening and she understood. Now, thanks to Skype, she calls me whenever she needs to hear my voice and we catch up on a daily basis.  I love to hear about her day and we edit her essays together, with the occasional pointer from me. As an infant, she sat on my lap while I covered her hand with my own to navigate a simple computer game for toddlers. She learned more and more each day until she began to point to the answers on the screen; even before she could manipulate the mouse on her own. Now that hand has grown almost overnight, it seems, and she is going on line, submitting job applications and scholarship essays for colleges. The same hand I held in mine as we danced our way through dinner preparations to the tunes of Frank and John Lithgow has grown stronger, talented and still loves to cook with "the guys". She has always insisted on calling him Frank as though he lived just down the street and came over often. Well, in a way, I suppose he did. At 7:30 a.m. when nobody wanted to even think of getting up, Frank and I were in the kitchen concocting a fabulously fattening breakfast with syrup and all the trimmings. She still invites him over and makes sushi for the family instead of my favorite spaghetti.  She enjoys a lot of the classics in movies, books, and music and has gone on to make her own list of favorites and must-haves. Chocolate covered espresso beans and Jersey Milk bars top the list. I see so much of the time we spent together in her personality and yet, she is so much more and only just beginning to blossom. Her artwork on birthday cards started out as a money saver, now they are coveted keepsakes. She is quick to make friends and loyal to the core. I've enjoyed school concerts, homeschool field trips, movies with her friends. We've shared pet funerals, all of us in the drizzling rain with our umbrellas saying good-bye to the latest in the line-up of pets that was too large to flush. I taught them how to say good-bye and say the words they needed to say in order to walk away. The trouble is, I wasn't listening to that lesson because I haven't learned how to say good-bye and I don't know what words to use in order to walk away.

So, I have mixed feelings about sending her off into the world. She might get to study in Paris or Glasgow, taking along the vintage styled umbrella for pictures that she has been planning on using for years. I am so excited to see her take off on her own and explore what she would like to become. It amazes me that this is the same five and a half pound baby dusted with cinnamon hair that came into my life more than eighteen years ago. I guess life is like that. We get the gift of family and friends in our life and the moment they arrive, we have no idea how much change they will bring, for better or worse. It is only after they are ready to break away to form their own circles of family and friends that we can look back and realize: "Wow. That was amazing!"

I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I have learned that broken hearts do heal. I have learned that she is stronger than I thought and that her heart and mine have healed together, all the while becoming who we are as individuals while we continue our journey.

Darling, you are loved...I found a new song about our favorite addiction (coffee) for you to dance to in the kitch...

I just love the way it ends...sugar!  Sounds like something that would make you giggle on a grey day, too.

MUAH!